just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
