my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
