Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize