Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
