i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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