If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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