I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How naked do you want me to be?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
