really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
