youre lurking in front of me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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