She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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