..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
