He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize