my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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