He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
