i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
