i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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