one two three fourrrrnication!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
