from now on my penis is your penis
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
