I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
