Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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