HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
