So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize