and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
