I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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