I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
