Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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