I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
