Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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