It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
