He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
