If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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