areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
