My liver just broke up with me...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
