She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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