i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is wine microwaveable?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
