we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
