there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
