SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
