My first STD was from a foam party
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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