are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
