So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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