does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We need to get me chipped asap
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
