I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
