it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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