When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
