i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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