I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
