Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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