After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
