You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
