I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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