We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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