can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
