Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
