I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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