but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
wanna go halves on a baby?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
