OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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