He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
