Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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