I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
