Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
